the DEADPAN

 
 

Area Fetus Given Pink Slip Amidst Teen’s Economic Woes

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Procter & Gamble Unveils Line of Downy Syndrome Laundry Products

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Lane Bryant Scientists One Preservative Away From Edible Shoulder Pads

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Senate Armed Services Committee Calls For End to Coast Guard’s Use of Motorboating as Interrogation Technique

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National Weather Service Issues Flash Crosby, Stills & Nash Warning

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Nordstrom Rack Cafe Offers Shoppers Deep Discounts on Table Scraps, Fixins and Whatever’s Caught in the Disposal

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Child Left Alone in Car Found Fluent in Spanish

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Mel Gibson, Wife File for Divorce, Citing Irreconcilable Views on How Best to Wipe the Jews off the Face of the Planet

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Ed McMahon Keeps Busy Roasting in Hell

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Popular Cash-For-Clunkers Program Extended to Nation’s Wives, Girlfriends

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