Ed McMahon Keeps Busy Roasting in Hell

HELL - Despite delighting millions as Johnny Carson's sidekick on The Tonight Show for over 30 years, beloved TV personality Ed McMahon is roasting in hell, the nether realm presided over by Satan in which the damned suffer everlasting punish­ment.

Sources indicate that McMahon is suffering the consequences of some particularly cruel pranks on TVs Bloopers & Practical Jokes, foisting actor/comedian Sinbad on the world via Star Search, and his participation in the short-lived 2004 TV Land series ALF's Hit Talk Show.

While the decision initially came as quite a shock, McMahon took it in stride and is keeping busy with sever­al new projects, according to longtime agent Bernie Zuckerman.

"Ed serves as the announcer on Merv Griffin's new show, rakes the hot coals outside the cafeteria each - morning, and has taken to following Satan around and reaffirming everything he says with an enthusiastic 'YESSSSSS,"' said Zuckerman, who keeps contact with McMahon via nightly seances.

McMahon has also taped a new Cash4Gold ad, set to debut during the upcoming Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.

"We're delighted to have Ed back for another commercial," said Cash4Gold Founder & CEO Jeff Aronson in an interview "Dead or alive, in Heaven or in Hell, when it comes to trading in one's unused chains, rings, coins and earrings for valuable U.S. currency, people trust Ed McMahon."

When asked if rapper MC Hammer, who appeared with McMahon in an ad that aired during last year's Super Bowl, would be appearing in promo­tional spots, Aronson shook his head.

"That nigga done bled us dry," he said, holding up a giant pile of half­melted synthetic gold chains.