National Weather Service Issues Flash Crosby, Stills & Nash Warning

FARGO, ND - The National Weather Service issued a flash Crosby Stills & Nash warning on Friday after it was discovered that the aging rock band was looming over metropolitan Fargo for an impromptu show at the local amphitheater.

The warning, which spanned three counties, immediately drove thou­sands of residents to get into their cars and evacuate the city before a single rendition of "Teach the Children" could come down the pike.

"Please do not panic, citizens of Fargo, but we have learned that David Crosby, Stephen Stills and Graham Nash have descended on the Red River Valley," Mayor Dennis Walaker told a pool of reporters via conference call from a secure, under­ground bunker.

City employees were working round-the-clock constructing sound barricades, distributing earplugs, and combing the streets for traces of David Crosby's moustache. Residents who could recite the lyrics to "Suite Judy Blue Eyes" were required to wear special armbands until further notice.

"The self-professed 'super group' is rumored to be staying in a house," said Walaker. "A very, very, very fine house."

"According to our reports, there are two cats in the yard," he added, "Where, by all accounts, life used to be so hard."

Meteorologists confirmed that once Crosby, Stills & Nash blow out of the area, the Upper Midwest would be in the clear for the next several months, barring a late autumn/early winter Santanalanche.