Area Fetus Given Pink Slip Amidst Teen’s Economic Woes

WEST COVINA, CA - According to sources, a fif­teen-week old fetus was laid off earlier today, a victim of one young woman’s ongo­ing economic downturn.

The fetus was notified by its manager, local teen Lauren Correo, that itwould need to pack its things and vacate the uterus by 5:00 PM.

The 17 year-old high school junior told reporters that while she regrets having to let one of her own go, her current overhead is just too high to justify any additional costs at this time.

According to the the most recent data from the U.S. Department of Agriculture, the average fetus is expect­ed to produce losses of any where from $150,000- 200,000 for its first 18 years. And that number  could rise significantly  depending  on Cheerios, the price of a subscription to Highlights magazine, and the seemingly never-ending viability of Nickelodeon’s Spongebob Squarepants franchise.

''This is not a good time to be a fetus looking for work," said Jo Ann Delamo, a sub-Human Resources Specialist at Job Placentral, a leading prenatal staffing agency. "With the rising cost of everyday products thanks to the Trump tariffs, the increased use of both Plan B and RU-486, and the hideous Baby Gap Fall line this year, it's really a miracle that any of of our candidates are making it to term."

Personnel reports also indicate that the fetus had maintained a some­ what "combative"rela­tionship with Correo over the course of the 90-day pro­bationary trimester.

The teen cited the fetus for the sudden end to her rela­tionship with auto mechanic Steve Jurczak, contributing to a 14-pound weight gain, and causing her to flunk midterms in Spanish, Chemistry, and Algebra II.

The fetus was also written up for threatening Correo's likelihood of attending this year’s Spring Fling, smoking cigarettes with Katie Newman behind the bleach­ers during fourth period, finishing high school, going to college, or having any sense of independence, success, happiness or freedom for the rest of her fucking years in this bull­shit lifetime.

Cradling a box of its personal belongings, the fetus told reporters it hoped to find future work in a more nurturing environment before quietly passing through Correo's vagina in a bloody dis­ charge.